Ep12 - Was God There During My Depression, Self-Harm and Suicidal Thoughts?

Depression, self-harm and suicidal thoughts are far more common than we probably realise.

Today, we’re chatting to Maddy; you may recognise her as our team’s Editor and Content Writer, or from Episode 6 where she and her husband shared on navigating a relationship with mental illness. But today, Maddy is sharing a new part of her story that she’s never opened up about publicly–her battle with depression, self-harm and suicide ideation.

Depression came for Maddy in her late teens. Not overnight, but over a period of months; a gradual descent into a darkness so deep that it consumed everything in her life. Worried about being a burden and afraid of letting people down, Maddy struggled with thoughts that maybe life would be better for others without her in it. 

In Christian communities, there can often be an assumption that depression is caused by a rift between you and God, and that ‘getting better’ is as simple as coming back to faith and learning to trust in Him again. As Maddy started opening up about her depression, well-meaning people prayed that she would “come back to God” and “feel His presence”.

But for Maddy, that wasn’t the case at all. In fact, God’s presence was one of the only things she felt during that time–and some of her most beautiful and intimate moments with God were right in the thick of her depression, when talking to Him was all that she could do.

Listen as Maddy shares about her holistic road to recovery–how she prayed for healing, but the ‘healing’ came slowly–through professional support, through community, through healthy habits, and ultimately, through trusting that God was still with her in the ‘in-between’. 

We hope that this episode encourages you that wrestling with mental illness doesn’t mean you’re far from God, and that there is hope and recovery from depression, even if it comes slowly. God’s healing is no less miraculous whether it happens in an instant, over time, or is still to come. 

Maddy has also written a blog post based on her story called ‘My Healing From Depression Came Slowly’. 

If this episode has brought up anything difficult for you in terms of your own mental health, we’d strongly encourage you to reach out to someone for help. That could be a friend, family member, your pastor, your doctor, or if you’re not sure who to speak to, there’s a list of Australian organisations that can help here and a quick google will be able to get you the same in your own country.