To The Christian Who Self-Harms

Written by Keola Paragas, USA

Editor’s Note: This blog post discusses self-harm. If this is something that might be difficult for you to read, please use your discretion. If you’re concerned for yourself or someone you know, please reach out to one of the helplines listed here or speak with your doctor, counsellor or someone you trust.

In the past few years, I’ve experienced the depths of darkness I never imagined I would go through.

I’ve endured mornings where I couldn’t pull the covers below my eyes. The bed swallows my body, and the pillows muffle out the motivations of the morning. When I’m finally able to break free from the covers, I find myself wandering aimlessly with a map only pointing back to my bed.

I’ve faced days where I had no desire to be around people, yet I was terrified to be alone. I’ve had nights where I consulted with a blade. The walls of my mind squeezed tight, suffocating every thought. It was the equalizer I knew would offset the hounding urges to make it all stop. The worst part is that it worked well. For a time.

I’ve had months where I pleaded with God to take my life. I was lost, confused, and angry. Blinded by the darkness. In the middle of my worst, I cried out to God. I was, and still am, greeted by His love every time.

I know I’m not the only believer who struggles with self-harm and suicidal thoughts. I’m making myself vulnerable here with the prayer that whatever you’re going through, you won’t feel so alone. This is my prayer for you, from the depth of my own struggle:

Hey you. I know it hurts. It’s okay to not be okay, but it's not okay to stay there.

Self-harm may feel like your voice of reason, but it is not your friend. What leaves you with shame and guilt is not a life-giving solution. You are fearfully and wonderfully made, and I pray you let the Holy Spirit guide you into a life beyond the scars.

You are in a fight against an enemy who wants to take everything from you. Its agenda is one of deception, lies, and manipulation. It seeks to steal, kill, and destroy (John 10:10). The urges you feel are very real. The thoughts and temptations are relentless. They know when you're tired.

The urges you constantly fight do not control you. They do not define you. You do not owe them anything. You are redeemed by the blood of Jesus. Remember, “But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8). The temptations that convince you to self-harm are nothing but devastating lies. The act will never completely satisfy the solution you desire.

It’s exhausting to hide the scars, the physical depletion from mental storms, the fact that you need help but feel too stuck to ask for it. All the while self-harm whispers sweet words of instant, although temporary, relief. That’s the enemy’s goal. That’s the cycle it wants you to live in.

But there is a God who is with you through it all. He is in the dark when you are consumed by nothing but your thoughts. He is next to you when self-harm provides relief. He is there when you feel too guilty and ashamed to run back to His presence. He has endured every moment with you and His love for you is still forever more.

God knows your every sin, yet He remains. Darkness can't touch you in His presence. Even evil bows at the sound of His voice. Remember, “In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it” (John 1:4-5). You have that light within you.

The depth of God’s forgiveness washes over your valley of scars. Every urge you turn down proves you can live a life beyond the scars. As His Word says, “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” (Psalm 147:3)

Exchange your pain for purpose. You have a Heavenly Father who first loved you, so do everything to glorify Him. Remember, “Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body” (1 Corinthians 6:19-20).

Destructive thoughts thrive when they’re left in the dark. Tell loved ones, friends, professionals. The more vulnerable conversations you have and the more people you have to hold you accountable, the less power those urges have on you. The Bible encourages us to share our struggles and pray for one another. “Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working” (James 5:16). Turn your scars into conversations.

Above all, please tell God. Choose to let people fight for you, with you. Choose to break the cycle in any way you can. Jesus is the Savior we don't deserve, but desperately need. Choose time in worship with Him and glorify God in all that you do. The thoughts will come, the urges will rise, and the struggle will make itself known. Even then comes a pivotal moment where you can choose to let go and let God fight for you.

These are some of the verses that bring me hope in my darkest hours when the pain and temptation to self-harm again feels overwhelming. I pray you’ll find life in them, too. Write them on sticky notes, put them in your wallet, draw them on your mirror, add them as phone reminders — whatever you need to do to surround yourself with words of truth.

Philippians 1:6 “...he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”

Psalm 34:18 “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”

Philippians 4:19 “And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.”

Isaiah 44:22 “I have swept away your offenses like a cloud, your sins like the morning mist. Return to me, for I have redeemed you.”

Psalm 73:26 “My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”

Hebrews 2:18 “Because he himself suffered when he was tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted.”

Deuteronomy 31:8 “The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”

Have faith, for it does get better. This does not have to be what you experience for the rest of your life. Don't give in. There is no justification for self-harm. The voice that tells you there is is a lie.

I promise there are ways to stop self-harming. It’s okay to leave it behind. You are redeemed. There is hope beyond the temporary relief, and his name is Jesus. I pray you ask God to shoulder your burden, and to protect you when you feel defenseless.

Let your scars heal to tell the story of a fighter. A soul who ran into the arms of the Father instead of running back into the pit of harmful habits. The Creator of tomorrow thinks you're worthy of life’s treasures.

And finally, I pray that peace and joy find you in the middle of your storms. Cry out to God, because He’s there. Use today to turn the tide. Use your scars to tell your story of Christ’s persevering love.